just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
