Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
