i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize