i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
