I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
