Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
