I cockslap morals
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
