I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Enjoy the penises
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
