your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
