The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
