How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize