Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
