I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
