Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
