I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
