No awkward lesbian experiences without me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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