If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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