We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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