I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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