do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize