i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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