I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just invented taco cereal.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
