at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
