i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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