he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
