She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
