we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
