I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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