I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
