i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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