You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
