Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize