It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
