Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
