would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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