how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
