also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
