Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
