You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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