Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
