When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
