Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize