yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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