I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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