just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
