I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
