apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
