yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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