so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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