is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
third nipple confirmed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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