Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
