I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the day after is always just damage control
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
