She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
