im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people