I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD