You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?