i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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