life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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