Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
