He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
