Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
