Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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