I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize